a little faith

its funny how the busier we get the less time there is to ponder the meaning of life
and what we are here for. I think that must be one of the devils best tricks. To keep the people weighed down with stresses of living and working that we dont have time to reflect on the goodness of life.
well it was just a thought
the devil seems to employ many tricks to keep our mind off god, or mad at god, or not even believing in God.
sometimes it all gets too much for me, because theres no way for me to compete with that, and there are times when it seems Gods not even trying to compete,
maybe hes giving the devil false securitythat hes won, and in the end God will sneak up from behind when he least expects and knock him for six. too bad for the rest of us who also will get a big surprise, and then 'WHAM', judgement, "get away from me you sinners"

Last night i went to a worship and prayer service at Crossroads, the church that ive been going to in Amstelveen.
Let me first just say whata mission it is to get to this church. I found this church on the internet and there are no English speaking churches in Utrecht and in fact i only found about 5 churches in my search on the net in Utrecht, that is really sad because there are 200,000 people living here. and these churches didnt appear to be very lively, its amazing they were up with the technology game. OK, me and simone have been going to church together, i have to bike 20min to the train station, we buy a 10.50 euro return ticket to Amsterdam Zuid (South) WTC pronounced (armsterdarm soud way tay say), which we have a lot of fun saying over and over. We travel about 20min, then switch trains and go another two stops. then we catch a metro, called a sneltram, normally have t wait about 7min, travel for 12min, costs about 1.50euro. then we have to walk about another 10min to get the the building. all this takes over an hour, assuming the trains are on time, and in NZ dollars thats about $24, to get to church to worship our awesome creator in fellowship with other christians.
Well we've been three times now, and the messages have been really awesome and get me thinking and inspired, so thats great, and the music teams are really good and the songs the sing are differnt from the tired ones weve been singing back home. It is great to be able to come here and find spiritual nourishment. well weve been three weeks and nobody has talked to us, this is a little saddening, we've been trying to get into a small group that is in utrecht but they are a little unorganised. we introduced ourselves to a few people but they werent terrilby interested.

and the thing is... at school in my studio, ive just been turning up every now and then and getting myself settled and putting some work up on the walls and people have been going out of their way to introduce themselves and find who i am and where i am from and wishing me the best of luck, and hoping i enjoy the school and being in utrecht.
this really does say something about the inwardness of the church.
maybe this experience was called for because many churches are like this, studentsoul included. I mean im not really very good at leaping into conversations with people, but this has really opened my eyes to the necessity of it.
we can get really comfortable in church, and we make some really really good close friends and many of them... and sometimes we dont want to take the time to make any more, but church is about more than community with each other, which of course we should always be aiming for, but its also about us helping each other in our community to God. anyway....that was a side track

i wanted to write some thoughts from the worship service, and what i think may have been the start of an answer to prayer.
The theme of the service was FAITH, HOPE and LOVE. we sang and expressed our praises to God, for God and all that he'd done for us, there was a short message, well more like points to ponder about faith and hope and love, and in between praying specifically for those things and more singing, and at the end communion. It was really good, i went there expecting it to be good, and to get my spiritual edification for the week and i did. I didnt expect God to talk to me or to be touched by his power and fall to the ground, and he didnt. but i came away having alot to think about and many things that in their abstract ways inform and build up the basis of what my school work is about.
Faith and Hope. These things, these ideas or concepts are hard to define. but there were some really good definitions given last night, but im not sure they're something you could ever really pin down and explain in their fullness. and certainly not in such a short time, i think ill be thinking about these two things for quite a while yet.
but here are some intial thoughts and notes that i took:
- a summary of Heb 11. Nothing for God is achieved without faith.
- we can move mountains with the faith of a mustard seed, but we shouldnt settle for that
What does it mean to really have faith? even faith so small as a mustard seed
To truly have faith in something? in God?
"faith is being certain of things unseen..."
Having a vision of something not yet achieved or even percievable and yet being certain that God will allow it to happen.

I think there's something about HOPE that stirs in my soul more deeply than the idea of faith, im not sure what or why....
i think Hope has the power to bring about change. change in circumstance and change in people.
if we have our hope in the right thing of course.
If our whole life is Christ centred we become a people of hope. Hope is more optimistic, more uplifting.
it was said.... "hope is believeing in spite of the evidence and then watching the evidence change"
i think if we are a people living in hope, then it is that hope that will be most attractive to those without hope. If we are living with our hope in God, in a world where the evidence suggests that there is nothing to be hopeful for, then what an awesome witness that is.

Another thing about hope... God wants to give us our hearts desire, he stirs in us dreams and purpose and asks us 'my child, what is your hope? what do you want me to do for you?'
if only we had enough faith to believe He could really help us achieve those huge dreams :)
The blind man heard that Jesus was walking down the road and so yelled out Jesus, Jesus. Jesus heard him and ordered he be brought to him, he said "what is it you want me to do or you?" its a funny thing... even we know what it is he wants, his sight. And he gets it. And of course Jesus knew what it was he wanted, yet he asks him anyway. And hes asking us too, and sometimes we dont even know what we want, yet surely he knows even if we dont, but its something we have to figure out, God ive noticed, doesnt force himself on anyone.
But its great to know that God has given us permission to ask for him to fulfill our hopes


well we were asked to pray and reflect on the things tht we needed more faith for, things in our deepest parts of ourselves, deepest fears and pain, worries and uncertainties.
What are the things that are holding us back from really being faith-fulled? maybe there are things that need renouncing and habits that need to be changed.

I thought about this, what was something i really desired and needed more faith for.
I prayed for conviction in Jesus and i prayed for clarity of mind and speech, to be able to speak to others with conviction.
you see, i think my eyes were opened that night just a little wider, and i put my finger on the missing element. Before i was praying that i might have the words bla bla bla to speak to unbelievers (i hate that word) with conviction. and that i might have an argument for the case of christ that would stir in the hearts bla bla bla of pre-christians (that has got to be the worst word we've ever come up with) you see, i am missing what is fundamental for the christian belief, and ive been trying to figure this out for yonks now, why there was this part of me that just wasnt getting it and that the Jesus thing just didnt feel quite right. I dont doubt the existence of God, not for a moment, ive experienced God to know that hes a reality.

But what i need is the conviction of Jesus.
because whenever it comes up im thinking, 'this really doesnt make any sense to me, why is there the need for sacrifice?' it seems inhumane, and even more, ungodly, it seems unclean in a way.
Jesus, is the thing that makes Christianity from any other religion. He set the standard of how we should live our lives, he is God and made it possible to be in relationship to God. well i dont doubt he existed and i try to live in his image. but why the need for sacrifice? And yet it is the sacrifice of Jesus that is the most important part of christian belief. Soif im not convicted of its truth then how will i ever speak truth wth conviction.

I believe God has begun to answer this prayer. I came home last night and was surfing the net for some song lyrics that we had sung that night and i came across www.livingwaters.com
on this site there is a video message you can play. The message by Ray Comfort is titled 'hells best kept secret' (a little bit cheesy for my liking) but i started watching it, because i wanted to find out if it really was 'the most important message you may ever hear'. And... well i have to say slowly it dawned on me what it was i needed to learn, from watching the first 8 minutes of this message. I watched the rest of it today becaseu it was quite late, and it was a lot to take in, of course there were parts that were really good and parts that weren't so good. when i say good, i mean agreeable. but these things need more thinking over, and im going to watch it again and reserve comment for then. But i think it was really great that God would answer this prayer so fast, even if it wasnt with a bang.
I think when i become convicted of Jesus, then i could truly know what love is.

Last summer God was teaching me what it meant to 'seek with your whole heart'
To give to God your whole heart and not hold it in reserve for anyone or anything else. it was a painful lesson, but it grew me alot, and its something that i will forever be learning i think, love is such a complex thing, i dont think you can ever stop learning it.

well it was good to get those thoughts out about faith and hope, now it means i can think better to develop those thoughts.

its funny how its seems easy to have faith to do with some things and not with others...
ive been envisioning and dreaming huge things recently for the things that i want to acheive for the future, I'm telling you these things are huge!!! and im not going to divulge them yet, because it seems the more i divulge the huger they, and quite frankly i dont knw if i could handle to dream any bigger. i dont know how it will come about, i dont even know what im going to do after i graduate, but im not worried about it, somehow in Gods divine time, these things will come about and i have faith in that. All i can do now is make the most of the experineces i am having now and know that i can draw in them in the future.
And im not worried about finding a husband either, and in no hurry anymore (something i learned from seeking with my whole heart) my standards are high, and specific. I need someone to work with to accomplish these visions God is giving me and i know God will bring us together.... o dear that sounds like bullshit doesnt it.
in other words, things will work out just the way they're supposed to. without my intervention.
sometimes i think, well God, you've got a mighty fine task to find someone for me that is good enough, and i doubt the possibility, but then i remember, God is God and he can do anything.

ok enough